Beyond the Scale: Finding Peace with Your Body
Many of us have a story about our relationship with our bodies. For some, it begins early, with a focus on appearance overshadowing enjoyment of life. It’s a common experience, and one that often leads to a cycle of restriction, self-criticism, and ultimately, dissatisfaction. This isn’t about quick fixes or chasing an ideal; it’s about finding a different way to relate to the vessel that carries you through life.
I remember being 13 years old and starting my first diet. For six years, my weight had been a source of anxiety, slowly taking over my thoughts and actions. I only felt comfortable in a few shirts, always hidden under a sweater. I even subconsciously slouched, trying to conceal what I perceived as flaws. My self-worth was entirely tied to my body. I believed changing my body was the only way to feel better.
I dove into intense exercise, restricting my food intake to watery protein shakes. In five months, I lost 60 pounds – a third of my body weight. The praise was immediate, and it felt good. I’d experienced both sides: feeling unworthy in a larger body, and accepted in a thinner one. But instead of learning from this, I fell into the trap of defining myself by my weight. I became “the one who lost the weight,” a walking testament to willpower.
Of course, the weight eventually returned. This triggered a period of depression, a feeling of losing something precious. This pattern repeated for almost 15 years.
A Shift in Perspective: Introducing Body Neutrality
The turning point came when I discovered the concept of body neutrality. It wasn’t about learning to love my body, but about recognizing its function and appreciating what it can do, rather than focusing solely on how it looks. This shift allowed me to question my long-held beliefs.
- Do I want my happiness to depend on my appearance?
- Do I want to perpetuate this cycle for future generations?
- What would my life look like if I valued myself for who I am, not what I look like?
These questions weren’t easy to answer, but they opened the door to a new way of thinking. Body neutrality offered a way off the relentless pursuit of aesthetic goals and a chance to truly reflect.
What is Body Neutrality?
Body neutrality is a mindset that prioritizes how your body functions and feels over its appearance. It’s about self-acceptance while still caring for your health. It looks like this:
✅ Exercising and eating well because it feels good, not to change your appearance.
✅ Enjoying treats without guilt, recognizing that occasional indulgence doesn’t diminish your overall health.
✅ Wearing clothes that feel authentic, without basing your self-worth on how you “display” yourself.
✅ Accepting that you won’t always love every aspect of your body, but not letting that stop you from living your life.
✅ Broadening your self-concept to include your values, passions, and inherent worth.
I value spending time with loved ones, playing sports, and experiencing new things. When I was heavier, I often avoided these activities, waiting for a future, “thinner” version of myself. Body neutrality helped me realize I deserved these experiences now, regardless of my size.
Body Neutrality Isn’t Just for Some
It’s important to understand that body neutrality isn’t limited to those in larger bodies or those who feel marginalized. It’s also beneficial for individuals who fit conventional beauty standards, who may feel pressured to maintain a certain image.
As Shannon Beer, a registered nutritionist and body image coach, explains, even those who appear “ideal” can struggle with self-worth tied to their appearance. Maintaining that “ideal” often requires significant sacrifice and can be exhausting.
The Power of “Meh”
Jessi Kneeland, a body neutrality coach, describes the goal as achieving a state of “meh” – not loving your body all the time, but also not constantly criticizing it. It’s about recognizing that your body’s appearance simply isn’t that important.
When you’re used to hating your body, getting to neutral (or ‘meh’) can actually be hugely freeing. From there, you may learn to appreciate yourself in a deeper, less appearance-centric way.
You might love some parts of your body and feel ambivalent about others. That’s okay. The key is to prevent those feelings from dictating your behavior. For example, I may not be thrilled with my height (5’9”), but it doesn’t prevent me from enjoying life.
Body Neutrality & Health Goals
Some worry that embracing body neutrality means abandoning health goals. This isn’t true. Body neutrality advocates for health, not necessarily a specific appearance. It simply means your self-worth isn’t tied to achieving a certain physique.
If you’ve been engaging in extreme dieting or overexercising, body neutrality encourages you to step back and prioritize your overall well-being. If you’ve been avoiding exercise due to body image issues, it encourages you to find movement that feels good, regardless of your size or shape.
| Appearance-Focused Thinking | Body Neutral Thinking |
|---|---|
| “I’ll wear this only when I lose weight.” | “I’ll wear what makes me comfortable today.” |
| “I need to exercise to change my body.” | “I’ll exercise because it makes me feel strong and energized.” |
| “I’ll eat this ‘treat’ in secret because it’s ‘bad’.” | “I’ll enjoy this treat mindfully, recognizing it’s part of a balanced diet.” |
5 Steps to Cultivate Body Neutrality Today
Taking the first step towards a more neutral relationship with your body is powerful. Here are five actionable strategies:
- Do What You Love, Today: Stop waiting for the “ideal” body to enjoy life. Reclaim activities you’ve been avoiding due to insecurity. Start small.
- Set Body-Neutral Goals: Focus on what your body can do, not how it looks. Set strength goals, learn a new skill, or practice mindful eating.
- Curate Your Environment: Limit exposure to content that fuels body image issues. Unfollow triggering accounts, reduce mirrors, and set boundaries around body talk.
- Find Your Tribe: Connect with others who share a body-neutral perspective. Seek out supportive communities online or in person.
- Strive for Improvement, Not Perfection: Body neutrality is a journey, not a destination. Small steps forward are still progress.
Life on the other side isn’t about constant self-love. It’s about being able to enjoy life, regardless of how you feel about your body on any given day. It’s about prioritizing well-being over appearance and recognizing your inherent worth as a human being. It’s a process, and it’s worth it.